"You Are A Waste"

sometimes i almost-agreed to that. however i feel they just need to know, a face- a look- a result- a consequence or a certain response, those cannot even drift close to weight required to judge a person. they need to know, pain is sometimes somewhat something very much oblivious. they may not be able to learn it even when it has its presence infront of them. and for me, everytime i believe it is not their fault that they don't know. but sternly neither do i believe it is my fault that i don't tell them. as soon as i let them know the truth, the clouds will lift up a lil' bit, then what? i let them harbor sympathy or sympathetic love inside them?. NO. i don't want that.
everyday i come home, think over and over again. i think and all i get from that are numbers. number of people who have harassed me. people who have insulted me. people who calls themselves 'caretakers'. everyday they tend to be nice and gleeful with others who meet their expectations. i am left out. nobody cares. but at a certain point i think they do. everytime i have to pull a lots of strings to make myself believe that. i blame myself not being open up to them. 
i keep personal stuff as close as possible to my chest because, i feel that if i spill it out, they will start to channel their hatred to the course i want- but in a wrong way. i always want them to accept me for who i am. why cannot they just keep calm and discreet while they address me?. remarking my wrong doings has become their part of an ego and much more habitual. 
i'm not trying to claim one day i will become "Bill Gates" and tell-all how cruel the world 'was' around me. i am not trying to say i will be the undoing of the-geezer's-who-disprespected-me. i don't wanna hurt anybody. and that's why i had kept my nose away from people and let them believe whatever they want to believe, and whatever they sees they believe. i am well aware that they are reasonable. but the whole point is why cannot they think vice versa?. why cannot they take into account the fact that i might be reasonable too?. just because i am quiet as a stud on a ear, doesn't mean my mind cannot be as loud as a lion in a jungle.

Siddique